Poems written by Tara Lynn Wood
"Loss of Innocence"
by Tara Wood
As you begin drugs, you start out with love, truth, innocence.
This is lost and you become blinded to reality.
Hatred, guilt, endless suffering, “fenning” or craving, fill your days
Sadness, loss of hope and loss of your sanity fill your nights.
Paranoia is your constant companion, in this “world of lies.”
That's me working at a department store in Arroyo Grande, CA
I drew the inside of my head around meThe mystery, the questions, the tweekers make you want to know what they are about; you find it is all about nothing.
Your mind is being taken over and damaged by the drugs, causing you to become like a paranoid schizophrenic (if you are told by a doctor you have schizophrenia you should follow with treatment the doctor's advise in)
That's when you don't know what is made up in your head
and what is not made up in your head
Long term users often prey on your innocence,
laughing at your reactions to their games.
Slowly bridges are burned by taking actions on these delusions.
To this day, I still don't know if what I thought happened, really did.
What was reality and
what was fears coming to life?
"In Illusion"
by Tara Wood
This was my reality.
A sober life was just a picture on the wall.
I was on the outside of the picture and I couldn't get in.Sometimes I would daydream about life in the picture, but it was too much work to stay sober.
The world I was trapped in was a constant question;
Even though I was not really sure of what anything was,
I thought I enjoyed it.After I was raped I didn't know if I was dead, lying in the gutter
Am I really drawing, am I talking?
Anything I thought of could be true,
or I could be dead and just a ghost watching it all.
Was the car real or was it a picture conceived only in my mind?Was this a movie I was staring in like the Truman Show ?
Were there really people following me, trying to kill me?
Were the police after me for something I might have done,
but don't remember?
Or maybe it was the teewkers,
having me knocked off for knowing too much?
Anything could be reality in my own mind at this point.
"Anorexia and Bulimia"
by Tara Wood
I had a hole in the inside filled with emptiness.
The orange and yellow was the comforting feeling of eating.
The red symbolized power of self-control
to be able to purge what I just ate.
I was boxed in by the fear of getting fat
to fit inside this black box that society had created.
So I purged!I would eat and eat and still I felt nothing.
I went from being anorexic - controlling how much I ate (did not eat)
to bulimic - the ability to enjoy food, purge and control my weight.
I was anorexic and bulimia became the cure.
I was bulimic and drugs were the cure.
It seemed I had no control of my outside world
What I had to learn was how to control the world inside of me,
my thoughts - my choices.
"Being Watched"
by Tara Wood
I am floating around in the mystery of the drug world
that I had no business being in.I sliced my speaker wires in my car, thinking they were bugged.
I know these people could hear what I said.They talked to me and gave me messages
through songs that I couldn't make sense of.I threw away all my CD's because I thought people had planted subliminal reprogramming on them.
They were trying to make me evil like they were.
These people tormented me.I wouldn't take showers for days because I was afraid there were cameras in everyone's showers.
These were some of the comments made by my druggie peers,
knowing I would trip out on their suggestions
and be the reason for their laughter.
I was a joke, their joke.